


Maybe Not

by lyingleia



Category: Harry Potter RPF
Genre: F/M, but happy ending for Emma, sad ending for Tom, sad!Tom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 10:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyingleia/pseuds/lyingleia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom is a good actor, even when he wishes he wasn't.</p><p>Birthday fic, ahoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe Not

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, guys. This is a Feltson fic. No, this is actually a DREW fic, with onesided at times!Feltson? IDK. I just don't think this is a happy fic, at all.
> 
> This is a birthday fic for my friend, Alei. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GURL. HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS, BECAUSE I WILL CRY A RIVER OF TEARS AND BLOOD IF YOU DON'T.
> 
> Beware of random tense changes!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Emma or Tom. Slavery is illegal, y'know. Scenes depicted here are from my Imagination, therefore not real.
> 
> (Please be advised that since I don't know the people I mention here personally, I don't know their personalities, their life or their history, apart from what is written in Wikipedia. And also I've never read HP RPF fics in my life, so please excuse if it seems OOC and a little vague to you.)

 

 

It isn't even that he hadn't found her attractive, because she was, _clearly_ , judging from the crushes the rest of the boys had for her.

It's just that he couldn't find it in himself to be attracted to someone younger than him, years ago. She had been eleven years old, and him fourteen, when he found out that she had a crush on him.  _It was a school girl crush_ , she says now when questioned about it in interviews, _I thought he was cool. Older boy and all_ , she'd giggle.

Tom had thought she was one of the smartest, coolest girls he'd ever had the pleasure of knowing, but hadn't felt any spark of attraction to her at all. She was like a little sister to him, for god's sake. He'd been there when she had her first period, face red and crying for her mum, struggling to hide the red spot in her skirt. The other boys had been tittering in panic, not knowing what was happening, trying to comfort her. They'd thought she had gotten hurt in their playing, and felt guilty. Tom, as the oldest and as someone who paid attention to his Biology class, had called one of the crew and held her hand while they waited for her mum to arrive.

He hadn't even really been interested in girls when he was fourteen, his mind preoccupied with  _acting, acting, acting_  and there had been no time for any other thought.

But then he'd met Jade.

#

It was during the filming of Goblet, that he started to take notice.

He was talking to one of the crew in charge of the food in the set, hoping that they could make some more of those cupcakes he'd devoured yesterday, when Emma arrived.

She was basically a flurry of brown hair and excited chattering as she hugged Dan, cheeks pink. He watched her greet the rest of their castmates and crew, ruffling Rupert's hair fondly.

She looked, well. She looked lovely. She seemed to had grown into her body, looking less than the chubby-faced eleven year-old he'd known for four years and more like a slender, pretty woman. He could imagine how beautiful she would become in a few years time, in her intelligence and in her confidence, making a name for herself.

She turned and spotted him. She beamed and gave him a shy wave. Tom felt his heart give a little thump, finding himself unable to look away.

He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, effectively jolting him from...whatever that was. He took it out and grinned at the message.

**'im here. cant wait to see u. where r u?'**

#

They'd been waiting for Dan and Emma for a few minutes now, unable to do the scene without them, and Tom could tell the director was getting more and more irritated, so he volunteered to look for them himself, not wanting to be present when the director inevitably blew up.

He went to their trailers first, knocking a few times and not recieving a response. He tried the door knob but it was locked. Shrugging, he wandered through the tents, grabbing a sandwich when he passed by the Arts and Crafts tent. Nibbling on it, he was just about to turn around to see if they'd already gotten back to the set when he heard what sounded like loud breathing around the corner. Puzzled, he went to investigate.

And got a surprise.

He dropped the sandwich when he saw Dan and Emma snogging rather passionately. He debated whether to interrupt them or to leave them alone to suffer the wrath of the director when they got back, but it was taken out of his hands when Emma opened her eyes and saw him. Dan must have realised something was wrong and glanced at where she was staring. They immediately sprung apart, faces red with embarassment.

Tom felt his own redden. He scratched at the back of his neck and said awkwardly,

"Uh, they're looking for you on set."

The three of them refused to make eye contact as they walked back towards the set, although he noticed that they were both walking a bit closer than what was warranted. He ignored the twinge in his heart and pulled out his phone from his pocket, suddenly feeling the desire to talk to Jade.

Nevermind that they'd already talked an hour ago.

#

So the two had been dating since last year, which as he thinks about now, makes a lot of sense. They'd been practically inseperable during the filming of Prisoner of Azkaban, holding hands and hugging all over the place like lovesick puppies. Tom rolls his eyes mentally at their antics, thinking that he and Jade hadn't ever been that codependent, even when they started dating.

He watches them talk with heads bowed by the set wardrobe, faces so close together they might as well have been kissing. Honestly, even if no one were to leak out that they were dating to the press, it was still very obvious. He was surprised no one had written an article about it yet.

He scrubs his face with his hand, feeling exhausted and irritated. He shifts in his chair, opening the bottle of water he'd been holding for a few minutes now and drinking from it until it was drained. He checks his phone and sees a message from Jade. He's about to reply when he hears Emma laugh, slightly muffled from where she has her face pressed into Dan's shoulder. He looks up and stares at her smile, feeling his stomach turn to lead.

He doesn't text back.

#

They'd just finished celebrating the end of filming, and Tom is  _angry._

He had gone outside the restaurant to talk to Jade on the phone, apologizing for not being able to answer her calls earlier that night. He hadn't been able to say no when the others had invited him to dinner, feeling fond. He knows he's going to miss them, they'd been known each other for years now, growing up together and experiencing puberty in trailers and tents and studios. And he wouldn't be able to see them for the next few months, all of them would be busy with school and their families, so he'd said yes.

He hadn't been able to hear his phone ringing over loud laughing and celebrating, rowdy teenagers high off of the success of filming and of just being together. He'd had fun, and had done his best to ignore the secret smiles Dan and Emma had been sending each other all night, hands clasped together under the table.

He gritted his teeth and smiled his best, aware at that moment of how he'd grown as an actor over the years.

He'd finally had the chance to check his phone when the crew started to herd them off one by one, sending them home as parents started inquiring where their children were. He could see Dan tucking Emma's hair behind her ear as they quietly said their goodbyes in his periphery as he dialed Jade's number. He tucks the phone between his ear and shoulder, shoving his hands in his coat while he waited for his ride.

"Hey, baby." he says when she answers.

"Why haven't you been answering my calls?" she immediately demands, sounding angry.

"Sorry about that, it's just that we were celebrating and you know how the guys can be."

She hums, anger slowly receding. He watched Emma get into a car with a wave at him. He waved back, smiling slightly.

"So, how was Emma? Is she still with Dan?"

He stiffened. He'd told her about his attraction to Emma as soon as he realised it, knowing that he couldn't hide it from her for long without feeling guilty and like he was cheating on her. She'd been fine, not getting angry, and even thanked him for his honesty. But he saw the falseness of her smile and felt how stiff she'd gotten when he'd hugged her.

"She was fine. Yeah, she's still with Dan."

There was silence, before she said lightly, casually,

_"Good."_

He frowned, getting annoyed at her tone.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, nothing really. Just that with her preoccupied, she won't have time to act all cute with you."

"What?"

"I know she's had a crush on you for years, baby. Everyone knows it. I've seen her look at you, I'm just happy she's finally moved on."

"By that, you're implying that she would do something like, like _steal_  me away from you!"

"Wouldn't she?" she returned, anger returning. He could just see her eyes narrowing.

He raked his fingers through his hair in frustration, lowering his voice as Daniel patted his shoulder with a ' _bye man'_  as he got into his own ride. He waved a bit as he said,

"No, no she wouldn't. She's not like that, Jade. She wouldn't do something like that." He sighed, shifting from foot to foot, as he continued, "And I certainly wouldn't let myself to be stolen away. I thought you trusted me."

"Oh, I do. It's her I don't trust. Baby, you have to realise that girls do crazy things when it comes to boys. Including backstabbing their best friends."

"Yeah, I know that. But Emma, she's not like that. She might've had that crush on me, but that was years ago, there's nothing for you to worry about."

"You don't forget your first crush, Tom. Certainly not your first love."

He sucked in a shocked breath.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that her crush wasn't much a crush at all! You're her first love, Tom, and she might just be using Daniel to get over you!"

"No, Emma would never do that. She would never hurt Dan like that, he's like her brother-"

"Exactly. Like her  _brother_. Why would she _date_  her brother?"

He didn't say anything for a few moments, reeling. He cleared his throat.

"Look, you shouldn't go around saying that. Em's a nice girl, she wouldn't do that-"

_"STOP DEFENDING HER DAMMIT."_

He shook his head.

"I'm not defending her. I'm just saying that you shouldn't say those things when you don't even know her."

There was silence on the other line, so he continued,

"I shouldn't have told you about my...whatever, with her. It's made you think baseless things-"

**"Oh, so you would've lied to me instead?"**

" _NO!_  That's not what I meant! Listen to me-"

"No, I'd rather not. Don't call me." She hung up.

Tom looked at his phone, breathing hard, frustrated and angry. There was a honk, and he realised his ride had already been waiting for him a few minutes now. He quickly got inside and typed a message.

**'Text me when ur ready to talk. stop blaming emma, its not her fault i feel attracted to her.'**

He sent it, knowing he wouldn't get a reply anytime soon.

What a mess.

#

He saw them again in the premiers, wearing fancy dresses and suits as cameras flashed and fans screamed their names. He smiled for the cameras and answered questions thrown in his way politely, managing to take a few photos with his fans and signing autographs before he was herded inside the theatre. He was led towards the first row where all his castmates were seated alongside Jo, who gave him a smile when she saw him.

She was seated between Emma and Daniel, who for some reason were avoiding each others eyes, stiff smiles plastered on their faces. He frowned. Did something happen?

Jo notices his gaze and whispers,

"They got into a fight. Don't worry, I'm sure it's because of their usual debates."

He nodded, but doubted it. When they got into fights, they usually didn't make such an effort to pretend to be civil to each other. When they fought it was explosive, but short.

The lights dimmed, and the screen lit up.

#

They're back to filming again, after six months of rest. All of them are excited to make the fifth book come alive on screen, of acting out Jo's magical world and making it real.

Tom immediately notices something wrong with Emma and Dan, both distant and quiet after their scenes, choosing to lock themselves in their respective trailers. _They'd broken up_ , Rupert told him when he'd asked, mouth pinched in worry.  _They fought about something during break, but they refuse to tell me._

And Tom wondered.

#

Tom saw Emma sitting in the pavement outside the studio, alone, as he was leaving for the day. She wasn't doing anything, just sitting, thinking. He hesitated, before going to sit beside her.

"Hey," he greeted. She gave him a small smile.

"Hi."

He hadn't really thought of anything to say to her when he first sat down, and he didn't think she was in the mood for conversation at the moment, so he let the silence hang over them. Sometimes, people didn't want words for comfort, only the knowledge that someone was willing to listen and and to stay.

"I love you."

He blinked and turned to look at her.

"What?"

"I love you."

He stared at her, feeling his heartbeat speed up. His thoughts had grinded to a halt at her words, and he couldn't think of anything to say. She continued to stare at him, eyes searching his face for something, an acknowledgement maybe, or a rejection. Slowly she leaned forward and their lips touched, hers soft and smooth, his dry and chapped. A few seconds passed where Tom felt like he'd had a stroke, heart slamming against his rib cage, before he finally had the presence of mind to gently push her away.

"I-I can't.  **Jade** - _I love her_ ," he stammered out.

She gave a stiff nod, eyes downcast.

"I know. I just wanted to see-if there was any chance that we'd-that you liked me." She stated, turning away from him and staring out into the empty street. "That's why I broke up with Dan."

"Does he know that you...?"

"I told him, during the break. In the beginning, I'd hoped that I'd be able to forget yo-that I'd be able to forget," she laughed, sounding exhausted and broken. "But you really can't forget about your first love easily."

"I..."

He saw the tears slip out her eyes before she covered her face with her hands, shoulders shaking. Her voice trembled with her cries, and he thought,  _oh_.

"I couldn't go on being together with him like that, him loving me and me loving you. I couldn't do that to him. And now I might have lost my best friend, over someone who's never even looked at me like I was worth something more."

Tom felt like he'd made a huge mistake.

#

He doesn't understand how he could have fallen in love with someone while he was still firmly, passionately in love with someone else. How was it possible to love two people at the same time, to have two people constantly be in his mind, to consume his whole being, and not feel like he was being stretched beyond his capacity? How is it possible to have his heart stolen under his nose when he'd already given it to someone else?

He felt guilty for wanting someone other than Jade, and ashamed for not being able to let her go to be with Emma. He has already hurt two of his important people because of his selfishness, but he couldn't stop watching Emma during breaks, of feeling the thrill that goes through him when their hands touch or kissing Jade in her collarbone and whispering 'i love yous' to her before sleep.

**He can't stop.**

#

Tom kisses Emma during one of the parties the twins invited them to, drunk and high, tasting her and feeling her body against his, soft and warm. They were in one of the secluded corners of the club, ignoring the loud music and the bodies grinding and bumping in the dance floor. She was intoxicating and addicting, and he felt like a man finally finding water after spending days under the desert sun. He marvels at how soft her hair is against his fingers, and how her curves felt perfect in his hands. He wondered why he'd never kissed her before, when she tasted so delicious against his tongue.

He heard her moan when he started to grind into her, and she hitches up her legs to twine them in his waist, pulling him closer to her. He moves down to her collarbone and begins to suck kisses into it until they turn purple and sore. He kisses her mouth again, tongue dancing against hers, when he felt his phone vibrate against his thigh.

Jade, his brain reminds him, but he ignores it in favor of grinding into Emma harder.

In the corner of his mind, he heard voices coming closer to them, but he ignores them too. No one will recognize them in this lighting.

But Emma abruptly shoved him away, gasping. Her eyes were wide from what he could see of her face, and she mouthed Dan, before turning away and stalking off like nothing had ever happened. Like what she did with Tom didn't warrant attention from her at the moment.

He sighed and remembered his phone. He pulls it out, there was a message from Jade.

**'i miss you.'**

Tom swallowed his guilt and he dialed her number before stepping out of the bar.

#

It happened a second time on set, when the trailer area was deserted after a full day of filming. He couldn't recall how it happened, both of them were walking silently and awkwardly towards the entrance. He'd glanced at her and saw her cheeks flush, and the next thing he knew he'd had her against one the wall, tongue already inside her mouth. He wasn't drunk or high or both, and didn't pretend that he hadn't wanted it after they had separated, breathing heavily.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked him, voice quiet and hushed.

"I don't know." he'd reply, carding his fingers through her hair.

#

The third time it happened, Emma pushed him away and said,

"I won't be the other woman, Tom. I refuse to be your dirty secret."

Which he understood as:  _you can't have us both. choose._

#

He _couldn't._

And that was that.

#

Years later, after the eight and last movie in the series had been filmed and shown, after they'd said goodbyes to the characters they'd grown into and which had been part of them for ten years, after they'd gone their separate ways for different things, he could still taste her in his mouth, could still feel her body against his, and still wished for the what could have been.

But he'd chosen, and the choice hadn't been her.

He allowed himself to grieve for the future they could have had only once a year, on his wedding anniversary, and refused to acknowledge it after.

#

Tom was thirty years old and has been married for two years when they meet again. She was still as lovely, as beautiful as she was years ago, and now even more unobtainable. It was during a wedding, hers and Daniel's.

He ignored the tight feeling in his chest as he watched them dance, foreheads close together and eyes only for each other, smiles lighting up their faces more than the lights ever could.

Dan and her hadn't gotten back after they broke up during the fifth movie, but had managed to rebuild the friendship that had been destroyed in the process, making it stronger. They'd dated other people, been part of different circles, made names for themselves, before finding their way back to each other in the end.

 _Like fate_ , he thought, feeling the bitterness at the back of his throat.

He sipped at his wine, catching the glint of his wedding band. He fingered it, and thought of his own marriage. He was content, he and Jade had their ups and downs, just like all other marriages, it was normal, but.

' _There's always the but in the end_ ,' he heard her voice say in his head.

She'd never really forgiven him for cheating on her with Emma. He'd come clean to her after a night of heavy drinking, unable to take the guilt and shame any longer. But she'd taken him back, and he was grateful to her because of it, had strived to earn back her trust the last few years, until she'd given it to him when she accepted his proposal two years ago. He loved her as much as he did when he was stillfourteen and awkward with girls, he hadn't stopped since then, didn't think he could ever, but.

He shook his head and pretended to be happy for the newlyweds. He was still the actor that he was when he was eighteen and stupid, after all.

#

But the truth of it was, the first time they meet again is the day before her wedding. It was in one of the out-of-the-way coffee shops in New York, a place that hipsters frequented, all of whom didn't even look twice at them.

Across from him, Emma drinks her tea and the sunlight reflects against the engagement ring on her finger. She noticed him staring at it and put down the cup back in its saucer, clearing her throat.

"How have you been, Tom? How is Jade?" she asked politely.

"Fine. She's two months pregnant."

He watched the smile stretch her lips, the genuine happiness that lit up her eyes and tried to breathe.

"Congratulations, then! I'm happy for you two! Wow."

He shrugged.

"Why'd you want to meet?"

His question made her pause for a moment, before she replied,

"I just wanted closure, that's all."

"Closure, huh. Well, alright."

She sighed, fingering her ring for a moment, as if gathering strenght.

"It was Dan who suggested this, that I meet you. He said he wanted me to be sure."

"Be sure of what?"

"That I was really over you." She stared at him, amber eyes on his."I already knew that years ago, but he insisted."

He didn't reply, his hold on his cup of coffee tightening.

"I was a mess after we broke up, and he was too. I told him I was still in love with you, but I didn't tell him that I might have been falling for him as well. He assumed the worst, that I was only with him because I couldn't be with you, and I was at the beginning, but not at the end. I hurt him so much by not telling him the whole truth, and I very nearly ruined our friendship."

"Why didn't you tell him in the first place?"

"Because I wasn't sure. I didn't want to give him false hope."

He watched her tuck a stray hair behind her ear and straighten in her seat.

"I was angry with you, after... ** _after_**. I felt like you used me, like I wasn't worth anything to you, not even getting a sorry after you dumped me. You can imagine what that did to my self-esteem," she laughed humorlessly."I still am, sometimes, but what's done is done. It's been years, after all."

"Are you happy?" he asked,  _without me?_ , he doesn't add.

She looked down her ring finger and smiled, fond.

"Yes, I think I am. He makes me happy."

He nodded and stood up. He offered her his hand and said as sincerely as he could as he felt his heart breaking,

"Congratulations."

 

**END.**

 

**Author's Note:**

> So me and my friend came up with the plot three years ago and she made me promise to write it for her. I hesitated writing this because I don't really know how to write Emma and Tom's personalities? I've never really delved into their life as much as other fans have so. But I think this turned out alright, AFTER THREE YEARS IN THE MAKING.
> 
> It's pretty short, considering, but I wanted to finish this in time for Alei's birthday so!


End file.
